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This is How I Go

I should apologize for jumping right into my problems without giving you a chance to get to know me, but Live Journal isn’t here for apologizes, it’s here to create communities and hopefully friends.

I think the easiest way to do this is in sections.


I will be a senior at Eastern Illinois University come this August. I study English with a focus in Creative Writing and Literature. I love it there and the professors are incredible. They push me further than I could ever push myself and for that, I will never be able to thank them for all they have done for me. Education and the educators that profess it are the only real family that I’ve ever had in life. My actual family is a bit chaotic. I’m a first generation High School Graduate and that includes my grandparents. I am applying to Sarah Lawrence with some help from a few professors for their Graduate Writing program. I hope I get in, but I’ll talk about that when the deadline gets closer. But with that said, I think that sums up my education for now. When school starts again, be prepared to read some stressful posts.


I’m one of six children. I have five brothers and no sisters. My five brothers are extremely entertaining and funny, but they’re also strange. Two of them are my 2/3rds as I call them because we are triplets. No, I don’t mind sharing my birthday and yes, we all get along, kind of. All but one of my brothers have children, which means I have 3 nieces (1 of which, I haven’t seen in 7 years) and 3 nephews. I love my brothers and their families, but as I post about them, you’ll understand that love is another name for acceptance, but that is enough about my brothers for now. My mother as I mentioned earlier is a non-functioning alcoholic and my father was never really around until recently. My mother was diagnosed with inoperable brain tumors two years ago and refuses to go to another consultation to see the tumors progress, but mostly because she doesn’t want to give up drinking to start the medication. It’s sad I know, but the truth is, I’ve come to terms with her death long ago. I’m kind of just waiting for her to die. I know that’s bad to say, but what she does is far from living. My father is an illiterate (seriously) man who loves television (I love television too) and gambling on sports games. He never went further than a four grade education in his life and it’s kind of surprising I turned out the way I did with a family that is so uneducated. And finally, there’s Tim, my step-father, who I mentioned earlier. He does have a high school diploma. He, however, does not support my choice to go to school for writing instead of accounting. He makes a lot of money, too much if you ask me and all he wants me to do is get a job that pays well. But that isn’t what I want.


We all want money, but to be honest, I don’t give a shit about money. It means nothing to me. I don’t see the point in it. Sure, you need it do things, but I don’t need it to do what I love and I love writing. I spend so much time writing that it’s kind of an obsession. I don’t think a lot of people understand my love for writing, they think I’m a loner because of it, but that’s not why I stay away from people. I am a very social person, but when it comes to relationships, I avoid them like the plague because I have no interest in them. I’m a narcissist in that way. Besides writing, I love movies, television and reading. My favorite television show is House and it will never change, even if they ended it horribly. Into The Wild by Jon Krakauer is my favorite book and since I don’t celebrate Christmas, I instead read Into The Wild on December 25th. (Don’t Judge Me)! My favorite movie is a tie between Platoon by my favorite director Oliver Stone or Dirty Dancing because I love Patrick Swazye. For hobbies, I write, walk, and play pool (billiards for those who think that I’m talking about the thing you swim in).

Interesting Facts

I have OCD.

I don’t like abbreviated words.

I can speak French. (I’m better at writing it).

My best friend is a gay guy named Malcolm.

I play very few videogames.

I love the food channel (when I’m at a relatives house).

I don’t watch television at my parents’ house because we don’t have cable.

I don’t have internet at my parents’ because my step father doesn’t believe in things that aren’t necessary.

I live on a 60 acre farm.

We raise/sell cows and pigs.

We also sell corn/beans/oil.

And finally,

I’ve written a book that I’m currently writing the second draft for. 


I'm not a triplet, but I'm a twin. Identical, though - so I have no idea what life with brothers is like lol

I'm really sorry to read about your mother, dear. It IS sad that you'Ve accepted her death, but it's totally understandable, too. <3

And you live on a farm!? Now THAT's really cool. :D
It is really awesome. I like to walk around in the cow pasture because it's about 50 acres and you always find new plants and things. It's really awesome. Plus, there are three ponds on the land. I really enjoy it.
That so cool that you are a triplet. That somehow fascinates me.

And I bet living in a farm is pretty cool. Every time I go to my grandpa's RIP farm I love spending time with the cows.

Question. What is your first book about?

My first book is kind of complicated. The rough synopsis is that, it's about a psychologist that has lost her way after losing a client she had an affair with, but at the moment my editor (an old professor) is making me draft it again with some changes. I'm hoping to have it done by the end of the year beginning of next year.
that's so cool, if it gets publishes let me know so i can buy a copy. and if they sell it in iTunes would be even better
I definitely will.
I'm the first person in my family to go to college and it does create some unique barriers. Sounds like you are finding your way.
Great entry!

And what's your book about? Are you looking for a publisher or are you going to self-publish? (E-books and all that)

I know exactly what you mean about money.. and the loneliness.

I posted a short synopsis on another comment to someone else, but I'll type it here as well because you're obviously my biggest fan. ;) My first book is kind of complicated. The rough synopsis is that, it's about a psychologist that has lost her way after losing a client she had an affair with, but at the moment my editor (an old professor) is making me draft it again with some changes. I'm hoping to have it done by the end of the year beginning of next year. It's not a romance novel. It's more of a young adult novel. It's written in third person perspective.
I prefer third person to first person (c:
I love writing too. Sometimes when my friends make plan I'll bail on them just to spend more time writing. NOBODY will ever understand that so I just pretend to be sick. Glad there are other people like us in the world :)

I'm really sorry about your mom. I can only imagine how difficult that must be :/
I don't lie about my writing. I've known I wanted to be a writer since I was 9. Sure, my parents think I can be something better, but I really don't want to be anything else. I stick with it and I do my best at it. I think they should be happy for me since I found something I love, but parents are parents. =]
Keep writing!
My mom is my mom and I accept her for what she's worth.
Frankly, I'm not sure there's something "better" you can do than writing - essentially, you help people at the least escape and at best, you show them new ways of living or thinking. Social science can claim to do the latter, but really we're much worse at it (on average) than are poets, novelists, and sometimes journalists.

How/when did you learn French?

I'm also glad to meet someone who shares my attitude towards money. About the only thing I'd like to do more of and I'm precluded from by cashflow is traveling.

How did you feel being the only girl in such a large family? And where are you and your 2/3ds in the birth order? (I'm not sure what the latest psychological science is saying about it, but I'm convinced it has an effect.)

Have you thought about teaching alongside your writing? Admittedly it is difficult to do both well if you are trying to balance them. What is Sarah Lawrence? (I applied to the Iowa Writer's WOrkshop when I was applying to sociology PhD programmes, and unsurprisingly was rejected.)
I'm a good writer, but I'm never satisfied with my writing even when my professors tell me it's good. I have this over thinking thing about me where nothing is ever good enough and everything can be changed.

I learned french at my university. I enjoyed it. I was way too good at it. So, I stuck with it until my schedule didn't allow it. I'm better at reading and writing it than speaking it.

I was born first, then my brother Tommy, and then Todd.

I'm not the teaching type. I tutor, but I prefer to focus on my writing. Sarah Lawrence is a private university that really takes an in depth look at writing. I hope I get in.

Where are you from?
The way you feel about your writing I feel about my social scientific "work." I love writing so much more, not least of all because there comes a point when it simply "tastes done" (I forget which famous poet said that, but it's absolutely true imho).

Any chance you can squeeze some more French into the coming year? And finally, if you could find some way of swinging it, you should definitely go to France - I've never been, but I only really want to go if I can speak it.

I meant where you guys fall relative to the rest of your brothers.

I'm not the teaching type either, which is a big problem because there are virtually no pure research jobs in the social sciences.

I'm originally from outside Pittsburgh, but I'm here in bonnie Alba trying to earn my PhD. Since arriving, I've been trying to adopt their spelling and vocabulary as much as possible. Kerb still looks weird relative to curb though.
I can't fit anymore french in my schedule, but I keep my french alive through an old classmate. Me and him speak and text it when we talk.
We have three older brothers, we were the last born.
It's always nice to keep it going. Some of my classmates speak German with me or text in it on occasion. But usually I'm not German enough, or else they claim my dialect is too thick for them to understand me.

Have you ever thought about birth order and its effects? Supposedly even within pregnancies of more than one child it has an impact. Weird.
I don't think much about psychology...I don't see the point in it. Psychologists are morons who can't figure out themselves so they try to figure out what's wrong with everyone else. At least, that's my opinion on the psychological effects of birth order.
Your flash analysis holds for most (clinical) psychologists, virtually all psychotherapists, and many psychiatrists. But every now and again there's a gem. I tend to think writers see human nature more clearly than do most psychologists. (Except for the ones who try too hard, like Tom Wolfe, but I think I'd take anything he's written over most academic psych.)

I tend to think there are (or can be, being humans - no hard and fast rules) social effects to birth order, which in turn become psychological - then again, I tend to hold to my old professor's mantra, "Behind every psychology there is a sociology!"
I consider myself more of an observer in life than a willing participant in it.
I feel the same way.
Your journal seems interesting and I'd like to add you as a friend. I know this is totally random, so no worries if you don't add me. :)